Thursday, July 11, 2013

It has to change

       I sit here a 33 year old father of 3, in the midst of my life's great redirection. It has become painfully clear to me that I have wasted more time in my life than I've made use of. So it is time to change, change me, change my habits, change my goals, change my future, and change the way I live overall.
       I've spent my whole life not knowing what I could really do, because good enough could get me by. I didn't want to put forth an effort, that just sounds like work, who gives a shit anyway!
       I couldn't take pride in the things I accomplished unless someone else showed me that what I had done was worthy of noting. How long does that last though? People tire of telling you all the time that you are an excellent performer of any task, so eventually you will be left with only yourself to prove anything to. This shocking revelation came to me later than would have been useful. But there is still time to make something of my life, and look what is riding on it.
      The Plan: I am going to take this miserable wrech of a grumpy, lazy, and and overall shitty little man, and bring him inline with everything that I am. I mean that I actually am, not the preceptions I've become accepting of as my life. Everything I can be with the effort that I have allowed to rot inside myself and the festering of which that has dystroyed the quality of me. The goal of this Project is to see what kind of perosn I really am, when I get out of my own way and stop clinging to the hopeless existence that has comforted me and I've used to swaddle myself in bullshit. I will not cater to my ego, instead prove it to myself.
     The diet, a work in progress, but in the end as you may guess from the title is Raw Vegan. My attention will not be devided from the things that are important, by mind numbing, false successes. This life is the most precious gift I've ever wasted, add to that the lives of my children, and the only possible choice is to push through all the pain that will come from this life enhancing, personal development.
                  The quest to raw will take some time, due mostly to the cost but I will get there, for me right now the most important aspect is to change the habits I've utilized to maintain the 'comfort zone' which is real just the 'I don't want to try any harder than I have to, while achieving an acceptable level of mediocrity' zone. So I must redefine some of my understanding, things like acceptable. Can mediocrity really be acceptable just because I don't need to put in effort to arrive in a place that requires effort of others. Is there such a thing as good enough  without effort. Then there is my biggest problem, Why does my ability not matter to me until someone else tells me that it should? Piss on anyone else's approval with my effort will come my personal satisfaction. If I receive positive feedback for the things I'm going to do then great, but I'm in this for me and my future, because I'm damn well worth it.
     So welcome all readers to the dawn of the
Raw Monster Project.

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